theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
