i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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