I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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