i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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