Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
