her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
