you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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