We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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