for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
