If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
