Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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