Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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