rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
