All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
