So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
