so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My feet surprised me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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