oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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