i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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