You can't special order awesome
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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