HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
