is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
