Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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