how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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