you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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