i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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