Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
