Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
