he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
