ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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