I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize