You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
How does one acquire holy water?
Who died my cat blue again?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
