Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
