Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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