If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
