Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize