he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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