My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
