No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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