I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
