it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
