New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
