He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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