I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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