just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
