speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
