I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
