If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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