i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
