I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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