I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
