Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
