Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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