tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
