i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
