dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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