that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
