That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
