JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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