I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Shame - the story of my life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
