You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
