i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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