Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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