i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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