I hate your face
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
