Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
