our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
