just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
