my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
