Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
