He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
