I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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