I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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