HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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