He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
