weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
